Susan

Susan

Susan

I know people like you and man, do they ever piss me off.

First, I get molested from the age of 2, grow up under terribly abusive conditions, struggle out of poverty with serious trauma, and work my ass off, only to develop a chronic illness in my early thirties. I am surrounded by assholes like you who tell me that the reason why I have a chronic illness has something to do with my already shitty life and “stress” and I should really just relax… Oh, I bought that message, yes, and I went to all kinds of alternative therapies before genuine science-based diagnosis, when it turned out, actually, I have a genetic f-ing syndrome! And two of those therapies actually left me worse off, crippling me!!!

Has it ever occurred to you it might just be bad luck? So while I am fighting to stay positive and healthy, I also get to hear dipshits go on about how my negative feelings (read: totally valid feelings of sadness, loss, or grief) are somehow interfering with my healing, when actually, it was your emotionally repressive magical thinking that made me go without reasonable treatment until it was really too late for me to save my quality of life because the damage that happened to my body was too far gone to be remediable. Had I been appropriately diagnosed five, ten years prior, yes. I would’ve had a chance. All the yoga in the world won’t fix what is wrong with me. Can’t even do yoga anymore. I did the yoga, the TCM, the herbs and cleanses and meditation, the “positive thinking” which is really just code for, “Your rational and reasonable grieving and anger and needs makes me uncomfortable, so I am going to blame you for it!”.

But wait! I did everything I could’ve, and still I ended up unable to walk. I wonder how I got here. Wow, could it just be shit luck? Do I blame others? Well, I blame the physicians who sent me to alternative medicine because they buy this bullshit, too, and missed a pretty straight forward diagnosis. How come I still ended up where I am? Did I not try hard enough to be positive about my past? Well, I took action against those who harmed me, and I am not really angry at those who hurt me. I have had justice. So I am at peace. But am I angry at dipshits like you? OH YES. Why? Because at root, it’s just victim-blaming. And you know what, you don’t have a clue. Positivity won’t protect you when it’s your turn.

I loved watching one of the most noxious magical thinkers I’ve ever met get cancer. I know it sounds sick, but she was so bloody self-righteous, it was a good wake up call after all the sanctimony and thinly veiled judgment as “advice”.

Anyway, not going to save you when fate comes knocking. You could try being a compassionate friend instead. Live in service. Bring food, shut your mouth, and maybe do some house work when people are sick. Also, don’t ask a disabled person to “take responsibility for their life” unless they’re actually not taking responsibility for the things within their control. It’s like asking someone to walk up a hill after they broke both their legs. Just because someone is suffering and dependent, does not mean they should be treated like they aren’t taking responsibility for their life.