Super!

Give me a few hours to recover, we met some very nice people last night and may have stayed out longer than we should have, the trade off being that a lovely engaged man let me wear his Captain America mask, and although the star spangled hero is probably my least favorite avenger and I’m far from a super soldier, I think I pulled it off pretty nicely.

I’m only assuming that facebook doesn’t have some kind of photo cock-blocker here so I apologize if all you get out of this blog is a broken jpeg.

I did adore the avengers movie but the more I think about scenarios where the bad guys all droop into lifelessness at the same time the more I think that it’s implausible, especially as the chitauri are shape shifting aliens and not robots acting from some sort of wormhole-threaded remote control. In the latter scenario they could effectively all lose communication and cease to fight, but surely that won’t work with aliens?

Perhaps I lack some understanding of their alien biology, perhaps their brains are all connected to a giant being that embodies their collective consciousness, kind of like the giant plastic blob that controlled the Autons in the first episode of the Doctor Who reboot.

Seeing as in the marvel universe telepathy is a thing I suppose this isn’t completely implausible, but I’m pretty sure the chitauri are a race of individuals, not a thousand shades of the same creature. Perhaps I need to read up on the marvel universe some more. If I could afford to buy comics these days that would help immensely.

Perhaps I should start a kickstarter account for that.

With just four pounds a month, Eddy can buy Deadpool. Give him forty and he can actually begin to understand what’s going on in the marvel universe at the moment. Give him a thousand and he can buy all of avengers vs x-men.

Miss Independent

Happy fourth of July!

I’ll admit I know next to nothing about independence day but I know that there are fireworks involved. I suspect this is some sort of organised Britain hatred thing but that’s okay, we’re not that proud of ourselves either.

So America, congratulations on being your own country and reaping all the benefits of independence and all that other stuff. I’m sure there are certain things about Britain compared to America that might make you wish you were still under redcoat control but you know, Obamacare’s pretty great.

To be honest I don’t understand why a load of you don’t want it, but that’s just me, feel free to call me a socialist of what have you but I really don’t understand the opposition. Perhaps I’m just ignorant, perhaps I’m a secret communist, perhaps the loud minority of Americans is making the rest of them unheard.

Whatever the case congratulations. Even though I’ve never worn a coat that was red in colour I apologise on behalf of my country and the shit we gave you for trying to break free from our tea-flavoured rule.

Go light some fireworks or whatever it is you people do, I’d rather stay away from explosives and wonder why your stereotype for us involves such terribly looked after teeth. I’ll have you know are dentists are perfectly adequate and our teeth are (usually) well brushed.

To be fair the American stereotypes aren’t much better but I think you understand why they’re there, I’m genuinely perplexed about that one.

To Avenge Or Not To Avenge?

I really want to see the avengers.

The problem, besides the ridiculous prices of tickets is that I haven’t seen any of the movies leading up to it; and I say that as a Marvel fanboy.

I think I saw half of Iron Man and it wasn’t great, but to be honest after Spider-Man 3 I really lost my faith in superhero movies.

Having said that I love the new batman movies and there hasn’t been an X-men film I didn’t think was amazing, but with the avengers I always have to be convinced more than other superhero titles, because Captain America’s probably the least interesting hero in the Marvel universe, Thor’s a God so he’s basically a walking deus ex machina, Iron Man’s a character that’s impossible to relate to on a personal level, it’s questionable how hawkeye and black widow are on the same league as these giants and the incredible hulk… I prefer him when he can’t be tamed.

Sorry Miley Cyrus, but your song would be much more appropriate were you a tall, muscular, green giant who loved to smash. Also being related to Billy Rae Cyrus and that guy from Metro Station really doesn’t help your cause. Why does nothing good ever come from your family?!?

That being said I’m still quite excited about the prospect of watching it. I much prefer a black Nick Fury and I feel like the problems I have with the individual characters are kind of made up for when they’re together; the dynamic change might just be enough.

For instance, I loved the justice league but I hated superman. He has way too many powers, so many that he doesn’t need to be in a team, he is basically a team by himself.

But then again, DC has the ‘just add batman’ card which makes everything ten times more awesome.

We Got Him!

So Osama Bin Laden is dead.

Almost ten years have gone by since people saw red at the sight of his picture in the news and now he’s no more.

Now it’s time for me to piss off every right wing leaning person in America.

You know how many better and more entertaining things you could have done with him? Would it not have been better to see him with a gun to his temple hosting a television show like mythbusters or brainiac? After all, he seems to really get a hard on for explosions, this way he could have done it every day without any harm coming to the innocent people that we all knew and loved.

Or, we could have got him to star in a sitcom about three dictators that live under one special little roof and are the best of friends. It wouldn’t be called friends obviously because then the network would have got sued, I think it would have been named: I.N.F.I.D.E.L.S does that not sound like a great idea to you?

We could exchange a cease fire in Libya for Gaddafi’s involvement and I’m sure that once he sees the popularity of this most awesome television show that Kim Jong Il will just be dying to get involved.

(I know there’s a good chance I spelled a couple of names wrong here, but I’m not going to look them up just in case my accuracy incurs their wrath… and nuclear weapons)

Would this not have been a better use of Osama Bin Laden than taking his life?

Seriously guys I know that he was a twat and I know that eliminating this threat was a priority, but think about all the comedic possibilities!

Personally I would have liked to have seen a movie where George Bush and Osama Bin Laden just stare at each other with lust in their eyes for hours, even now the ex-president is mummifying his body so that it can be used as his personal blow-up doll.

Or a Dog The Bounty Hunter style show with Fred Phelps and Bin Laden called ‘Extremist!’ Where they go around fighting crime and spreading their message of hate rather than Jesus holding their hands.

On this note I know I should really cease typing and at the end of this paragraph I probably will but I just really think a great opportunity was shattered last night. How good would it have been to have brought him back to America alive, the moral high ground would certainly be leaning more towards the west. I know it would have been an impossible task, but it would show to the rest of the world, in my opinion, that America is a kinder nation than much of the world seems to think. It doesn’t have the best reputation in the world, but it is a beautiful and inspiring place, and had they taken him back alive the nations that have a bad taste in their mouth might just have started to have second thoughts about their assumptions, and the more we can encourage people to think freely the better.

And now for the inevitable kittens.

Dropping the Bible belt and showing the arse of America

Before I start; anyone who is curious about what article I am referring to can find ithere, ABC news has reported the fears and superstitions of what I am sure is a minority of Americans with amazingly stupid opinions on what the Iceland volcano and frequency of earthquakes earlier this year mean.

As I’m sure most people are aware, the scientific definition of earthquakes and volcanoes with reference to tectonic plate movement and lava chambers just doesn’t do it for some people; in fact the most surprising thing in my mind at least about this situation is that the ‘the end is nigh’ sounds didn’t come out after thousands died in earthquakes but after a couple of hundred white people were stuck either at home (where they live anyway, no problems there) or in a beautiful, sunny country they went to get a tan and some actual good weather; now surely there have been worse predicaments?

Even if God was sending punishments upon the sinners of the world, surely it wouldn’t be in the form of extended holidays? Some religion maniacs (devoted believers as they would probably prefer to be called) even pronounced that the Haiti earthquake was due to a pact with the devil the Haitian populous made to get the French out a long time ago, and built up to the statement with – this is a true story.

In fact, one opinion makes the absurd assumption that God is punishing the world with fire and brimstone because of Obama’s new healthcare plans. W. T. F.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt more ashamed of being human; if they’re told something’s bad they’ll assume it’s judgement day just because ‘the pretty lady in my party’ told me to. Obama’s healthcare scheme could save millions of lives and I can’t possibly see how anyone could see it as evil; but that’s what this headline is for because I really do believe this is happening constantly around me recently; not just Americans, British as well with millions of peoples’ sudden devotion to David Cameron just because the media told them they should; it really does sicken me, and no, I will not be voting Conservative and I never will; no matter what the billboards tell me I should do because I honestly believe that they are bad for this country; remember Thatcher for God’s sake.

I guess it’s just another day where I wish that I could look back and sneer at humanity but being that I happen to be part of it that’ll have to wait until a better time.