Halloween Revisited AKA Don’t Take Me Seriously If I’m Intentionally Being Ridiculous

For those of you that are actually wondering about this, and I had no idea that it was so possible to think so, a post that recommends children dress up as a care worker for halloween… Satire or not?

Let’s take wikipedia’s word for it on this, because I do not believe that this issue deserves any kind of authority behind it, no more than it would take to dress up as a particularly large ear of cauliflower.

Starting to get the message yet? Good.

‘Satire is primarily a literary genre or form, although in practice it can also be found in the graphic and performing arts. In satire, vices, follies, abuses, and shortcomings are held up to ridicule, ideally with the intent of shaming individuals, and society itself, into improvement. Although satire is usually meant to be funny, its greater purpose is often constructive social criticism, using wit as a weapon.’

So, I hear you ask: ‘So Eddy was simultaneously ridiculing the overly cautious nature of today’s society while simultaneously emulating one of his rants in an extremely over the top and stupid manner to make both a statement about the world we live in and get a cheap laugh?’

Precisely I answer, but I’m sure that even that is probably not satisfying for some people so let me give you a little extra.

I fully approve the use of costumes that do all of the following:

- look stupid

- poorly emulate the demonic creature they’re supposed to represent

- look reasonable

- look like a member of the KKK because the wrong part of the sheet was used

- look brilliant

- scare the living crap out of an unsuspecting old person (because really, if you actually believed I’m worried about children dressed as an entirely unconvincing Shaun the sheep giving old people a heart attack you obviously haven’t paid much attention to my (shamelessly displayed on here) political and social attitudes)

- get candy

- don’t get candy

- walk swim

- sideways walk swim

- win you a contest

- win you a Frank West

- hides the fact that your mother recently killed herself

- hides the fact that your mother seeks thrills from elves

- hides the fact that your brother hides pills on shelves

- hides the rack that your father keeps porn for after twelve

Now, do you understand? This list above, was a silly unfunny parody of a silly unfunny parody.

A sillyception if you will.

It is not to be taken seriously, because there’s nothing serious about it.

Any further questions?

Macmillan Fest 2011

Hello everyone!

It’s me, back again with some shameless plugging, the shame levels slightly increased only because I’m not actually playing this gig.

So let me extend my break from talking about anything remotely interesting to my reading audience however small you may be to plug macmillanfest 2011 one more time.

I shall be volunteering there so my vested interest is only partially affecting this half advertisement.

Tomorrow, Sunday September 4th at the rescue rooms, part of rock city, in Nottingham, England, six pounds to get in (I believe, it doesn’t actually say on the facebook page), give some money to charity and see some bands, whether you like them or not, I’m sure that the fact that this is for charity will be enough to guilt you into spending that money to come down and contribute to what is truly a very good cause.

Go here http://www.facebook.com/Macmillanfestival

Do it.

And what is that cause? Well you’ve probably seen it on the television but macmillanfest was happening years before they starting doing advertisements on the box.

It’s the most hipster festival you’ll ever see without any hipster bands.

Well maybe a couple, festivals are too mainstream to get most of them there.

Macmillan cancer care is an organisation dedicated to helping people through the struggle that is cancer with personal support and by providing a good quality of life to help them get through the terrible ordeal with a smile on their face as much as possible.

And as hard a disease as cancer is to cope with, think about how much difference having people there for you can make.

I think even those of us with the simplest of minds can imagine how much easier it has the potential to make life for these people.

So come along, offer your support and be entertained in the process.

For Great Justice!

Alright, now I don’t do a lot of good deeds in this blog by a certain friend’s eyes but all that’s about to change, at least in this one post.

As those of you who come to here from facebook will no doubt already know, my good friend Kris Davis has been hit by the banhammer of Mark Zuckerberg’s iron fist and therefore is no longer allowed to repost links on facebook.

Now whereas this would usually be a decent application of facebook’s power to stop spamming, the event he has been reposting is actually a large charity event in aid of macmillan cancer care, one that he has been building on for three years.

Last year it raised over a thousand pounds for the charity (I think that’s about right) and this year it’s looking to make even more, it’s a very worthy cause.

The problem is that Mark Zuckerberg and his team of hollywood actor elves (if the social network is to be believed) cannot go through the links of every single person they block for this reason, and as such it seems unlikely that we’re going to be able to get this ban lifted to that the macmillan fest 2011 can be promoted on the very important lead up to the event.

So I ask both you who come here from facebook, and my subscribers from elsewhere, if you have any influence over english people (I’ll be there volunteering too) to help out a great cause.

The details can be found here, so get spamming, just not so much that facebook blocks you for it.

Thank you for indulging me.

Fear, Fear Everywhere!

Have I just been paying too little attention or has the news gone on one of their tirades again?

I know that there have been problems in care homes with a few members of staff but surely that doesn’t mean the entire system is full of evil nurses that spend the majority of their days beating up old ladies and the rest scheming of better ways to kill them slower.

People aren’t that mean, well, the majority of people aren’t, some people are just dicks, we already know that, I mean you’re reading this blog, you’re reading the words of one dick right now.

But just because the news says something doesn’t mean that you should start panicking about it, we shouldn’t let this justify the destruction of countless job opportunities and places that really do take their time and patience to look after old people and make sure they’re having a time as comfortable as it is possible to get in whatever their condition might be.

As I say however, I may have missed a few details due to my oddly filled schedule this week so apologies if I’m coming across as ignorant, I assure you I will be informed and get insolent next week as opposed to just shooting blindly with my word rifle.

You know when the terrorist scare was in its full throttle, how many of us were actually killed by a terrorist? And I’m not talking about 9/11 here, I’m talking about the post disaster environment when everyone was shitting their pants and such a small percentage actually fell victim.
And in the same vein there are very few care homes where people will be mistreating those in their care, because humans aren’t by nature sociopathic, sado masochistic purveyors of sorrow. We’re humans, social creatures, and if we weren’t, well then we’d have a nation of Hitlers by now, a plural of everyone’s favourite genocidal maniac that isn’t even in the dictionary.

Cancer Rates

Yes, in my desperate attempt to find something worth talking about, I have done what I probably should always do in the first place, and turn to BBC news; ensuring my references are less dated, and more relevant to the present. Just for reference I will place the URL above the topic in case you want the professionals to tell you the news straight instead of listening to my over opinionated self; although, I suppose you’d already be over there if that was your preference.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-12394329

So, according to the BBC, the World Health Organisation is making predictions about the future, without the aid of crystal balls or constellations, but by extrapolating current trends in data.

Recent statistics in fact, apparently show enough of a correlation in falling cancer deaths that during 2011 there should be around 7% less deaths in men and 6% less deaths in women from cancer (stomach, colon, breast, womb, prostate, male lung); good news, and to be expected considering how much medical care and survival rates in general improve over time as better medicine etc. develops.

What’s interesting here however, is that female lung cancer in general has been on the rise across Europe, with the UK leading the way with the highest rate of female lung cancer related deaths for the last ten years. And while that’s not on the decline, according to this article they will be levelling off somewhat.

Now why could this be? Could this be a result of higher smoking rates in women across Europe? There are certainly a lot of female smokers around, but who’s to say there are a significant amount more today than prior to the steady increase? The problem could lie somewhere else however, especially considering the NIH (national institute of health) claims that women who have never previously smoked are more likely to develop lung cancer than men who have never previously smoked.

Could this then be something to do with the relative proportions of men and women? The same amount of carcinogenic agents infiltrating a generally smaller space? Could it be something to do with oestrogen? Certainly there are some websites claiming that oestrogen promotes genetic mutations to a certain degree; this could be a possible link considering the increased levels of the hormone in women, however, men do produce this hormone as well. If this is a possible link, and that connection is extremely dubious without long term test indicating oestrogen levels in both men and women and the rate of lung cancer (and other cancers) development; then this could potentially play a part in beginning to reduce the female lung cancer rates akin to the men’s lung cancer rates, and the other forms of the disease mentioned above.

I wonder what Gregg Braden would have to say about this? Maybe that people are generally getting happier, that they want to live more, and to think I almost went through an entire cancer-orientated blog without mentioning that slimeball.

Yes it is a wonder to think why even in the face of more efficient science leading to prolonged life expectancy and survival rates of many diseases, that snake oil salesmen still thrive; but to understand that there is desperation in those situations is basic to our understanding of life; we just need to understand that there are some dubious people out there who see an opening and wish to exploit those clinging desperately to life.

The good news however, is that as long as the rates of these deaths continue to fall, less people will end up in the sort of situation where they will be exploited to their deathbeds, and there will be more people dying with dignity.