Sober Thoughts

I’m so, so sorry about yesterday’s post. I took a look at it this morning and I’ve never read anything less legible. In fact, if I blogged like that every day I’d probably be in the same league as the timecube guy, in terms of sanity anyway, he can design websites like a boss.

In fact, were it not for the fact that once something’s on the internet it never really fades away and my obsession with doing one of these a day I would probably have taken it down by now.

Punctuality, my only weakness.

To make up for it however, I’ve decided to never drink again, so we’ll see how strong my will really is.

It does waste money however; when you rack up the total people spend in pubs each year it would probably blow all of our minds, although it’s so heavily taxed that we should probably expect a monolithic figure.

There should really be some sort of limit however; not that I want to burst everyone’s bubble but there should be some sort of daily beer token system in place, because the amount that goes down peoples’ throats is more than occasionally an unreasonable amount.

I suppose we could bring back rations but it wouldn’t exactly be a boon to the economy if businesses took a hit in sales like the kind it would bring. In fact the companies would probably move somewhere else, somewhere like Germany where it would be more appreciated.

A Stiff Drink

Good afternoon republic of internet!

How are you doing this fine day and can I get you a stiff drink?

Come to think of it, why do we call certain spirits stiff drinks?

They’re not exactly rigid, in fact, as most liquids are they’re pretty loose.

If anything, all drinks are surely flaccid drinks?

Surely to have a stiff drink you would have to say… suck the juice out of a cucumber, or a number of other scenarios that come to mind when you think of those words, but certainly not what you’re thinking. Filthy, filthy minds you have.

I suppose some people find it a more pleasing thing to say than to actually name their beverage but I find that they’re just lazy.

How am I supposed to know what you’re drinking if you don’t know it yourself?

Now shut up and get me a flaccid drink.