Mothers and The Old Gods

Must the holy Madonna jump on the glory of Asia Minor’s vernal equinox?

I mean, it’s probably good enough that motherish Gods had their days in the limelight around this time but still, we don’t need to make excuses to celebrate the old Gods, in fact they were at least five times as badass as the new Gods.

I mean seriously, show me a situation in which Allah could beat Thor in a fight, there’s something I’d like to see, even Shivah wouldn’t stand a chance against a hammer with lightning coming out of it, something that I’m sure many hindus would protest despite the truth that lies underneath it all.

There’s a reason we don’t name our planets after modern Gods, and that’s because they’re not badass enough, in fact, I would propose we push for a new Bible, Torah, Koran etc. to try and get the Gods to be a little more edgy, think about it, take out genesis, stick sin city in there, we can have watchmen instead of exodus and work our way forward from there. Perhaps we can even replace the New Testament with the saw franchise? I’m sure that would go down well, if Jesus could sell any better, I’m sure the marketing department behind saw’s success would be able to do the job.

Also, how much more compelled would you be to go to church if you were threatened with saws if you didn’t go, play a little game guys, forget the transubstantiation, now if you don’t attend you’ll have to eat your own body and blood, how’s that for renovation?

Seriously though I can knock on just about any holiday for denying its heritage but I won’t do that today, most mothers have to deal with enough crap without me throwing a spanner in the works, so sit back, have some breakfast in bed and hope that Zeus will make a comeback soon, because he just does for Gods what syrup does to pancakes.

Crocodiles – Vs – Humans

Are you an Australian miner?

Is your name Eddie Sigai?

Then you haven’t won a fight with a crocodile.

And that makes you less awesome than this guy.

No, not the guy in the picture, the guy who I’m talking about.

So picture the scene, you’re swimming in Queensland creek and you’re giving this crocodile the eye; he knows you’re up for a fight, he comes over and drags you into the water like they do to kill you.

In this situation usually you’d be pretty dead; they can tear you apart at this stage with little difficulty once you’re in their comfort zone.

However, in your desperation to escape you notice the creature’s weak spot and poke it in the eyes. It gives way, you and your daughters are saved. Well, you’re in hospital with severe injuries but you get the point, you’re alive.

This does raise the question of why you would be swimming with the creatures in the first place, given that they’re very talented rippers of flesh etc.

So I’m not saying the guy wasn’t badass for taking down his scaly attacker, but maybe he wasn’t the sharpest tool in the box.

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