Checkmate, Homeopaths!

Reading the guardian’s hilarious response to the mirror’s ‘celebrities who swear by homeopathy’ article (an ironic like cures like using fictional celebrities to endorse real medicine rather than real celebrities to endorse fictional medicine), I went back to the mirror article and was once again surprised by how homeopathy was characterized as ‘natural’.

Now, I really shouldn’t be surprised by this point, this is a common tagline, even though it’s obviously hogwash of the highest caliber, but it seems when I spend extended periods of time not looking up articles written for stupid people by stupid people I forget just how stupid it’s possible to be. Okay, that was mean, replace stupid with wrong and we’re back in the fairness game, because there’s no doubt about it, homeopathy is anything but ‘natural.

Natural, meaning of nature, surely refers to things that exist in the universe, and can therefore be found within it, and that’s the broad bloody definition, if you use a narrower one it gets even thinner, and yet, even with this very simple requirement, homeopathy does not qualify as natural, because it can’t be perceived in our universe. It doesn’t exist, there’s no measurable effect, it’s based on a water memory and like cures like notion that has been clearly knocked down and demonstrated over and over again to not line up with the way our universe works.

So why, when presenting these ‘celebrities’, does the mirror repeatedly show them holding flowers and talking about natural alternatives? Does the writer of the article really think that taking homeopathy’s the equivalent of munching on a daffodil, because if so they should be fired. Being so ignorant should not go along with being a journalist, that’s a profession that supposedly works by investigation and research to make sure that articles are well-informed, rather than a shit-ton of buzz words and some pictures of an actress holding lavender. Homeopathy is not represented well by plants, because plants exist, in reality. This should be pretty clear but I’m going to say it anyway: plants are NATURAL, homeopathy, by definition is UNNATURAL. You don’t get to change the definition of a word to fit your meaning, you don’t get to decide that natural means ‘not made in a lab’, because that’s a load of old bollocks. I’d even go so far as to argue that a lab is natural because it’s real; natural’s a strange word, like spirituality because people throw it about as if it means good, when it actually has a definition.

And that’s not even to begin to argue that natural does not mean good, right, or effective. In essence this whole post has been me arguing about how these homeopaths can’t even rightly make a logical fallacy in support of their ideas. Put simple, they’re wrong, and if they weren’t wrong they’d be wrong… because they’re wrong.

Sorry, but that’s the way the universe works, you don’t get to make decisions for it. If science determines that something is not a function of the universe you’d do better to move on than use celebrity endorsements as evidence, because that’s another logical fallacy and a bloody obvious one, only proving how low these promotional tactics have been sinking in recent years.

My advice is to give up, study real medicine and become real doctors, then you can actually help people and you might learn a thing or two about how medicine really works.

Delicious Medicine!

Before I reinstall battle for middle earth on my PC in anticipation of a break from blogging… it’s blog time!

Thinking back to my post the other day about homeopathy being reclassified as confectionery struck a thought that comes up over and over again when the issue of something ‘paranormal’ or ‘alternative’ comes up, and one that is usually unanswerable unless you somehow have worked out how to live inside other peoples’ minds and read their thoughts while you chillax in a sun lounger with some neuronal martinis, electric, not hormonal.

How can you tell whether someone’s lying or whether they believe?

In this case, I can’t see how anyone who truly believes in homeopathy would not be offended by a reclassification of this kind. Sure, it means that they can take the medication they want in a way that goes unscrutinized by mainstream medicine and its allies, but it undervalues its appreciation as (what they actually believe it to be) a subcategory of medicine. Which, for the record, it isn’t. That’s not the point however; as much as I’m sure that there are some believers that think this is a good move, it just doesn’t make sense to me that they can think that way and still believe in it.

If someone tried to reclass, say, vaccines as confectionery (leaving out of course the fact that sweets aren’t usually injected into you and actually taste nice) I, and the majority of people (I hope) would be outraged.

I wouldn’t answer to this abuse of classification power by declaring ‘yes, vaccines should be classified as medicine, but I’ll be damned if I don’t admit that they’re tasty!’

Confectionery: Now With Extra Mostly Water

So, for those of you who want to take snake oil there may be a new way for you to get your hands on unlicensed products without having to have ‘that’ chat about how there’s no evidence for homeopathy.

That’s right, with the new unbannable homeopathy, you can buy your bogus medical ailments as confectionery, eliminating any need to back up the efficacy of your chosen genre of bollocks, and protecting your right to not have your snake oil regulated into submission by the government for not having any benefits at all!

Our new homeopathy branding, coming in 2025 will also silence critics by declaring that an argument against homepahty is an argument against chocolate, but we’re working on that. Being in the confectionery side of things has a lot of benefits you see?

So next time you’re feeling ill and you don’t feel like you can stomach anything stronger than a placebo, remember, don’t check the pharmacy, check your local sweet shop; we’re in between the sherbet lemons and the chocolate fudge.

A Recipe For Snake Oil?

So, here comes today’s break from doing spreadsheets and worrying about my next driving test.

I’ve just come back from some strange corner of the internet where tables sit on ceilings, birds swim, sharks fly, cats dig up their own shit and a bunch of children have forced a guy called Kony to become their one-man army.

And while I would love to keep making stupid remarks about this reverse world, only in Soviet Russia does a blog write me, so I’d better explain myself.

In the prescientific world of 1796, a physician known as Samuel Hahnemann in Germany proposed the basic laws of a practice we all know today as homeopathy. This practice was based on the ‘law of similars’; the idea that ‘like can be cured by like’, which, as we all know, must mean that eating lots of cake cures type 2 diabetes.

Well no, it’s not like that, because according to the principles of homeopathy the more diluted a substance is, the stronger its effect. So the natural progression from that would turn out to be something like…

You will need:

-1 slice of cake
-shitloads of water
-shitloads more water
-an assload of water
-ridiculous amounts of water

step 1: first, take your slice of cake and add shitloads of water. Stir until there are but crumbs of cake in very sparse areas of the mixture.

step 2: then, take your mixture and add shitloads more water. By this point there should only be a few molecules of cake in each area of the mixture, but just in case, mix until there is basically no active ingredient.

step 3: add an assload of water; just in case there’s any chance of there being anything apart from water in this solution.

step 4: finish off your recipe with ridiculous amounts of water; making sure to take note of how many times it has been diluted; remember, diabetes is a thing of the past when you can drink water. I wonder why medical science didn’t think of this, I mean the stuff’s been around for a couple of hundred years now!

So in this strange world outside the republic of internet and in the strange district of the blogosphere known as ‘homeopath avenue’ there are strong criticisms being pushed towards people who are skeptical of these ideas.

And why wouldn’t there be? Obviously these ideas make perfect sense! Pharmaceutical companies should continue to make lots of money out of selling basically nothing!

I think on this issue it’s hard for me not to start taking the piss, mostly because I’m still baffled at how widespread homeopathy is in Britain.

The royal family doesn’t really help, but to be honest I’m not sure there’s a lot they do help with.

I fear that I am not yet done here.

Nowhere Is Safe

My area is full of weirdos, and no I’m not talking about the ice cream van that just flew past my window on this incredibly overcast day, nor am I talking about the tories and my area’s general opinion on the electoral system reform, no, because I don’t believe I know enough about politics to really justify a good argument on my side, although for the record, fuck the tories.

A lady I met earlier today would not give 25% more of the sales of her donated items to charity because she thought she would be tracked down, when I told her that she would only be contacted if she ticked the box asking if she wanted to be, she hesitated and did the ‘no, it’s okay’ dance that a lot of these people do.

Seriously, you’re not special, you’re just like everyone else, you’re not so important that a charity of all things is going to stalk you and rape you in a back alley, there are lots of people supporting this charity, you’re not so special in the midst of all these supporters that you’re going to be followed. Seriously, I’m not sure if these people are insanely paranoid or just need to get their heads out of their arses.

In other news, I was looking through my local newspaper today, aptly titled: ‘west bridgford local news’. Trying to find something to do while I stared into space for eight hours in what some people would call a job.

I was somewhat surprised by and at the same time I was completely expecting what was a horde of snobbery and alternative medicine drivel. What should I have expected from such a place as mine?

Seriously CAM’s like some sort of mind AIDS, once you start noticing it it just keeps knocking you down until it eventually leads to your death, of course this is not the most accurate of comparisons but you understand I’m sure.

Seriously West Bridgford is ignorance is bliss such a strong philosophy for you that you would wish to hinder the increase in life expectancy by happily promoting practices that are utterly unproven and in the most part, completely contradict each other, just for the novelty of feeling like you’re fighting the pharmaceutical industry. You’re not helping, I’ll tell you that much now. Reading this makes me want to write another verse to that Mike Adams song I wrote yesterday, and by the way, if anyone has a drum machine, can I borrow it so I can play that one live? Thank you.

Anyway as I was saying this newspaper, in between telling people to ‘think sceptically’ in regards to scams and bogus deals, without any hint of evidence or irony tells everyone to go out and use: Chiropractic (Rushcliffe wellness trainer writes book), homeopathy (spring mum’s seek help from homeopathy), holistic treatment for pregnant women (mother nurture antenatal classes provide the solution for busy parents to be), hypnotherapy (get help with your dieting) and acupuncture (help your health, fitness and well being), to be honest this makes me feel like being sick.

The premise of these articles is a small anecdote of someone using the treatment (besides the latter which is merely an advertisement), not even including the results, and the incredibly basic premise behind the treatments, most of which they don’t even bother explaining to a degree which would make the nature of the practice clear.

But what amazes me is that no-one seems to question this, they just absorb the information and accept everything they here without thinking for even one second that something in that sushi smells a little fishy.

So, make me proud West Bridgford, say no to bollocks and say yes to sense… please, for the sake of my sanity…

Think for yourself and kittens to you my friends.

Integrity In The Face Of Authority, Right Or Wrong?

I think I pissed of my manager today.

But what else could I have done?

When somebody tells you that their daughter paid £500 for reiki sessions with her cancer ridden dog before it died I thought that she was saying that she got ripped off, and made that ooofff noise you make when somebody mentions a large amount of money going unnecessarily, she turned and gave me an odd look, I elaborated and her defence for that ridiculous amount of money was ‘maybe you need to go on the internet and do some more reading’ to which I explained that I had already read a lot on the subject, she then pronounced that it had worked for her and tried to work out whether I understood the ideas, I understood them perfectly.

The assistant manager then brought up homeopathy and compared the two, I told her not to continue, and after a couple of brief questions from her the concept of sugar pills for a placebo effect went straight over her head.

For the rest of the day there was a great deal of tension in the room, sandwiched between a couple of critical complaints, every day is rife with digs at me but there were less today, there was just silence.

Should I have just pretended that I agreed with her and that I misheard her?

Should I have lied to preserve what likelihood I have of not getting fired left?

I don’t want to be a hypocrite, and I am proud of my critical standpoint on these issues, but I have not mentioned things offhand such as their astrology, acupuncture and hypnosis beliefs (excluding a blog post on the latter) so what should I have done? Help me out, where do I lean on this issue, right or wrong?

Bullshit? In my town?

And so where there used to be a hair salon, there is now this.

A new shop opened up in my area called ‘optimum health’, from the name you can already tell where this is going, but rest assured this is not based on just one form of bullshit. No, they’ve managed to drop the pretense that one of their therapies actually works and just stuck a load of bullshit in there together, conflicting theories hold hands, all different forms of crap give each other hugs in the sewage dump that is the optimum health shop/spa/whatever they want to call it, I didn’t go inside, although maybe something to do next time I want to have an argument with a total stranger.

Just some of the things they have listed are below, please do not alert me to the fact that you believe in one of these things, that’s fine, you reserve the right to believe whatever you like but I have a problem with these things being listed as healthy when they’re placebo or less.

-hypnotherapy

-iridology

-homeopathy

-kinesiology

-reflexology

-reiki

-chiropractic

This is just a short selection from what a quick photo of the banner caught, there are many more and they are all being promoted under one roof.

Remember people, just because it has a fancy name and it’s been around for a long time doesn’t mean it works or is run by people who know what they’re talking about.

People are going to walk past this however, and just because it says optimum health on the sign in big letters they’re going to buy in to absolutely everything the men and women inside have to say.

THINK FOR YOURSELVES

that’s my message, take a hint people of the world, question everything.

CAM On The Bookshelf

Earlier today I came across a rather odd book concerning whether vaccinating your children is safe, now seeing as I’ve spent countless hours on the subject previously I thought I’d go through the basic premise of it and work out whether it was worth keeping on the shelf it was for, because if it was what I thought it would be, it certainly wouldn’t be appropriate to keep it where people can read it and believe its contents wholeheartedly.

However, it was a lot stranger than I had expected, the book was written by a homeopath and does a terrible job at answering the question of whether vaccines are safe for children, in fact, what it said was that neither anti-vaxxers nor pro-vaxxers were right, and apparently that meant that taking homeopathic medicine would work to stop any bad effects of vaccines.

Now, there is little danger in vaccines, there are of course very rare cases were side effects occur but they are incredibly rare. And in the event of these situations, taking a sugar pill with water isn’t going to make any difference at all, and if parents use this book as their advisor and treat their children with nothing, then they’re going to suffer.

The writer obviously had a vested interest in that outlook as she was a homeopath herself, but I had never come across these kinds of statements before, which seem to cross a general CAM ideal that their products cure everything but anything proven to work doesn’t. Funny ain’t it?

She was also way too easy on Andrew Wakefield, taking his study as it was presented by the media, despite the truth of twisted data, biased testing, all his colleagues dropping out, his financial bribe and the fact that he’s no longer a doctor and the paper was so atrocious The Lancet had it stricken off the record.

That sounds pretty conclusive to me.

There was also a book promoting baby massages but I didn’t have a go at that one despite the dangers of screwing with a still-forming skeleton, mainly because I’d already made one statement, and nobody else around me seemed to be bothered, it really does make me wonder sometimes.

FUCK YOU – Mike Adams returns!

Yeeeeeeeeeees; after a long while of neglecting this particular segment of my blog, I have to return to it to kick some sense back into the internet that seems to have lost it a long time ago.

Recently the James Randi Educational Foundation (or JREF for short) launched (as far as I can tell anyway) a campaign against the manufacture of homeopathic medicines. I’ve talked about homeopathy before; the basic premise of the product being that there is nothing in it. Any active ingredients have been diluted out completely, and like cures like etc.

I’ll let the man himself explain for a second.

The point of the campaign was a mass overdose on homeopathic medicine; now, if it is medicine, as the companies claim, a lethal dose should kill you; and this is also professed by the packages the products come in, recommending you to see a toxicity expert if taking higher than the recommended dose, or at least something along those lines, I don’t have the stuff with me right now.

Now to the reason for the blog.

So where Mike Adams gets off saying that ‘homeopathy is not a chemical’ and ‘it’s not toxic therefore’ I have no idea. Because it is completely against what the homeopathic medicine manufacturers want their customers to think. What is it then Mr. Adams? He claims it’s a vibration or a harmony; nothing actually proven, all speculation from his own justification of anything that isn’t mainstream medicine.

Because as Mr. Adams says ‘ignorant conventional medicine works like this, you know the drugs are kicking in when you start getting worse.’ I’m sorry Mike Adams but you are so full of shit that you’re about to burst.

Now Mike Adam’s background might be helpful here to explain why he’s such an idiot. Previously diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, which is brought on my dietary and fitness conditions. Mike Adams decided to make himself all better by exercising and having a better diet. Then, not content with having his own illness under control, he decided on a whim that if type 2 diabetes works like that, then obviously all diseases can be treated with diet and exercise.

Mike Adams, listen up, you are fucking WRONG. Bottom line.

Then Mike Adams goes on to claim that no skeptics know the truth about physics and electrons because it won’t be taught in physics classes until 2020; then how do you know mister smarty pants? Apparently electrons are just vibrations, which is fine, except that they’re not, in fact, there are stills of electrons taken with great difficulty by scientists, our entire electronic world is based around electrons and what we know about them, and the fact that Mike Adams thinks he knows more about them than every bloody expert on them in the world, frankly makes me feel a little sick.

Apparently we’ll never find out either because by 2020 all the skeptics will be dead from taking medicine that works.

Mike Adams, we’ve already cleared that you are wrong. Now you’re laughable. And a dick.

He also dismisses quantum physics because ‘ooh magic teleporting particles’. ]

Please Mr. Adams, if you have any suggestions on how to otherwise explain the double slit experiment that work out, I will eat my own fricking shoe and carve ‘the naturalistic fallacy is a big pharma conspiracy’ into my forehead with a compass.

In fact just prove to me that you’re capable of basic cognitive function I will go on record as saying everything natural is good, whilst holding a bottle of arsenic by a volcano, after which I will drink the poison and jump into the lava because everything natural is good right? Right?

Mike Adams thinks it’s hilarious to watch people try and debunk homeopathy by overdosing on it, claiming ignorance on the debunker’s part; which is incredibly ironic given his choice to ignore not only the evidence, but what homeopaths actually think.

You are the ignorant one sir.

Also apparently all skeptics want to kill themselves and you. Really Mike Adams? Really?

How does anyone go on his website for facts and come off thinking he’s sane, seriously?

He points to vaccines (covered intensely to the point where there is no conceivable way any of his claims are true), water fluoridation (good for your teeth, not poisonous), chemotherapy (you treat cancer then you smug fuck), pharmaceuticals (tested many many many many times to ensure non-toxicity, recommended in safe doses and only when necessary, patients are told about the side effects, need I go on?)

And then he has the nerve to challenge anyone who doesn’t agree with him to drink a gallon of chemotherapy.

Homeopathy is water.

Chemotherapy stops your cells from reproducing to reduce the spread of cancer.

So what’s your point Mike Adams?

If skeptics want to prove something doesn’t work by drinking it and living, drink something that does work and die?

You are an idiot.

An ignorant, smug, self-righteous asshole with an axe to grind and a tiny penis.

Also you have the face of a shrew.

Homeopathy Spoofing and Rambling

I must have missed this episode the first time around but this Mitchell and Webb sketch in particular is just perfect. No rants here, no individuals being targeted, just an overview taking the piss out of homeopathy by plagiarising the people who do it best; or at least embedding their videos into this post.

For those who don’t understand what homeopathy is; it is a few hundred year old magical thinking practice endorsed by Prince Charles and the royal family, and happens to have not completely died due to a general distrust of the mainstream medical establishment across certain groups across the globe, indeed the rise in complementary and alternative medicine can be partially blamed on these types of miracle cures; those than cause no harm and are supposed to work as well if not better than science based medicine; when in fact, every double blind study conducted shows that there is in fact no benefit.

The principles behind the practice, as demonstrated in the parody, are like cures like: so if you have been poisoned by say… arsenic, then you take a sample of arsenic; upon which the second main principle is complied and the arsenic is diluted to the point where the solution is basically nothing more than water, with only a few molecules, if any, of the active ingredient left. Homeopathic practitioners believe that the more the solution is diluted, the stronger the effect is, and I don’t need to tell you that those claims make no sense.

And if you still want more information on the subject, there’s a long video below explaining it in more detail.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand finally; watch as this homeopathic doctor tries to worm her way out of answering for her colleagues prescribing malaria remedies that do not work and are potentially tickets to death.