Baby Signing?

What a shit idea.

Seriously you’re not meant to learn how to talk to your baby, your baby is meant to learn how to talk to you, and making a second language for you both to learn is just a ridiculous way to put of actually learning.

Think about it, when your human baby child grows up is it going to need to use this primitive sign language? No it’s not, it’s going to have to talk like regular people, and what would you have gained out of it, basically nothing but if you’re being pedantic, slightly better understanding that what babies can already manage, and it’s not a difficult system.

see here:

crying = hungry

crying = pissed himself

crying = shat himself

crying = uncomfortable

laughter = content

snoring = asleep

Is that not all you need until they can actually communicate properly? Honestly, I’ve heard of some silly ideas and this is definitely up there, and I know there’s a whole truckload of bullcrap targeted at new mothers because they’re another audience you can shove your fake products onto but come on, this is the next generation we’re talking about here, do we really need them to come out dumber than they’re going to anyway now that you think babies should be given acupuncture and chiropractic treatment?

If the upcoming generations are to be full of stupid people, which could very well happen, look at all the other generations that have come before and are around now; well, then I’d much rather you saved them some extra IQ points and got them to learn how to bloody speak first.

Mothers and The Old Gods

Must the holy Madonna jump on the glory of Asia Minor’s vernal equinox?

I mean, it’s probably good enough that motherish Gods had their days in the limelight around this time but still, we don’t need to make excuses to celebrate the old Gods, in fact they were at least five times as badass as the new Gods.

I mean seriously, show me a situation in which Allah could beat Thor in a fight, there’s something I’d like to see, even Shivah wouldn’t stand a chance against a hammer with lightning coming out of it, something that I’m sure many hindus would protest despite the truth that lies underneath it all.

There’s a reason we don’t name our planets after modern Gods, and that’s because they’re not badass enough, in fact, I would propose we push for a new Bible, Torah, Koran etc. to try and get the Gods to be a little more edgy, think about it, take out genesis, stick sin city in there, we can have watchmen instead of exodus and work our way forward from there. Perhaps we can even replace the New Testament with the saw franchise? I’m sure that would go down well, if Jesus could sell any better, I’m sure the marketing department behind saw’s success would be able to do the job.

Also, how much more compelled would you be to go to church if you were threatened with saws if you didn’t go, play a little game guys, forget the transubstantiation, now if you don’t attend you’ll have to eat your own body and blood, how’s that for renovation?

Seriously though I can knock on just about any holiday for denying its heritage but I won’t do that today, most mothers have to deal with enough crap without me throwing a spanner in the works, so sit back, have some breakfast in bed and hope that Zeus will make a comeback soon, because he just does for Gods what syrup does to pancakes.