It Takes More Than Glasses To Take You To Another Dimension

Really, how hard is it to try and see a film in two dimensions these days?

I don’t have a problem with 3D, in fact I quite like it for the two minutes were it actually feels like it’s making a difference in the cinema before it feels like just another movie you didn’t pay five pounds extra for. However, cinemas understand student budgets, that’s why they have student tickets (however overpriced they are as well), so they must understand the benefits of not turning every screen into some kind of cinematic beer google….s… on the wallet, and really, things aren’t that much better in 3D unless you’re trying to hunt something. Stereoscopic vision was not made for having enjoyable experiences, not that that’s any sort of excuse not to use 3D technology in movies, I just want to keep blathering on until there are more showings of movies I want to see in the two dimensions I don’t need funky funky glasses to observe.

You go to the cinema to see a movie, and I don’t see how you’re going to capture any less of the story line if there isn’t shit flying in your face all the time. In fact, I would go as far to say that you’re probably going to catch more of the story if there isn’t shit flying in your face, unless the film itself is called something like Faeces Flinger 3D or something equally absurd.

You Monster!

Is humankind’s obsession with fictional monsters a side effect of avoiding predators in our evolutionary history? Wondering what makes us so interested in dragons, minotaurs and other imaginary but powerful creatures made me ask myself this question and as with many questions related to evolutionary psychology we don’t really have a way of testing that. If it was at all possible we could go back in time, create some sort of lineage that never had to experience predators, bring them into the 21st century and see if they enjoy cloverfield or not, but really that’s problematic on so many levels it’s not even worth speculating about.

It would be cool though if we could do it, perhaps when we master time travel we can begin to address those numerous other problems that riddle such an experiment.

But in our modern society how often is the monster-obsession driven by fear? There’s a lot more awe than fear, it would seem, in modern cinema regarding the monster-infested genres like science fiction. Perhaps that’s because the visual effects have developed so well but there could also be an element of the changing landscape of film fiddling around there. Perhaps the incentive to create a movie based upon its profitability rather than its key ideas leads to more badly written movies and therefore less believable monsters. Again, I fear that’s the pessimist in me talking, which is most of me.

Perhaps if we have more movies like the avengers and less movies like transformers in the future we’ll see a spark of fear associating itself with monsters rather than the ‘oh would you look at that?’ effect.

Maybe I shouldn’t hope so if it leads to more people being scared but I’m all for better writing, although once I’ve completed this novel I’ve been working on if it doesn’t go down well some of you might not believe that.

To Avenge Or Not To Avenge?

I really want to see the avengers.

The problem, besides the ridiculous prices of tickets is that I haven’t seen any of the movies leading up to it; and I say that as a Marvel fanboy.

I think I saw half of Iron Man and it wasn’t great, but to be honest after Spider-Man 3 I really lost my faith in superhero movies.

Having said that I love the new batman movies and there hasn’t been an X-men film I didn’t think was amazing, but with the avengers I always have to be convinced more than other superhero titles, because Captain America’s probably the least interesting hero in the Marvel universe, Thor’s a God so he’s basically a walking deus ex machina, Iron Man’s a character that’s impossible to relate to on a personal level, it’s questionable how hawkeye and black widow are on the same league as these giants and the incredible hulk… I prefer him when he can’t be tamed.

Sorry Miley Cyrus, but your song would be much more appropriate were you a tall, muscular, green giant who loved to smash. Also being related to Billy Rae Cyrus and that guy from Metro Station really doesn’t help your cause. Why does nothing good ever come from your family?!?

That being said I’m still quite excited about the prospect of watching it. I much prefer a black Nick Fury and I feel like the problems I have with the individual characters are kind of made up for when they’re together; the dynamic change might just be enough.

For instance, I loved the justice league but I hated superman. He has way too many powers, so many that he doesn’t need to be in a team, he is basically a team by himself.

But then again, DC has the ‘just add batman’ card which makes everything ten times more awesome.

Why Twilight should have been kept in the dark

…and by that title I don’t mean so Robert Pattison can stop sparkling in the sunlight.

Legends of vampires are largely centred around the famous novel Dracula by Bram Stoker. The antagonist of which was considered genius by its ability to frighten and convey fear into the hearts of the readers; since the character has spawned a horror phenomenon with thousands of vampires showing up at peoples’ doors every Halloween. This could be considered as a worthy tribute to the writer and his ingenious creation; one can only hope that people still know what a dementor is in over a hundred years time. The legacy was holding its own and personally I had no opinion on vampires for a while; having been terribly scared that they would come and bite my neck in my sleep as I child I always slept with my duvet wrapped tightly around my neck leaving no skin showing; considering this is yet again a testament to Stoker. However; what those who suffered great fear at this incredibly timeless villain could have never guessed is that vampires would soon be flashing their abs on teenage girls walls while they sighed about how much they wish they could date a hot vampire.

I would like to propose a pause for thought here as something is definitely wrong with that image. A horror icon turned sex icon is a complete paradox. The mere thought brings me to imagining next year when Frankenstein is played by Zac Efron and falls in love with Megan Fox so I can vomit all over my popcorn. And I’m not just mentioning Megan Fox because she’s an atrocious actress who co-starring with Optimus bloody Prime should have been insignificant in Transformers; however she would have managed to ruin the whole movie for me single handedly if it hadn’t been for the fact that the story made absolutely no sense in the first place. Now having strayed from my point I shall return – Megan Fox recently starred in a movie where she plays a sexy zombie; and I shall find it hard to express my frustration with this concept without swearing. With the videogame market’s current obsession with zombies having reached a point where it’s hard to find a game which involves a gun and not the undead surely the tired concept of the rotting bodies on the prowl should return to the grave to recover for a little while instead of being integrated into this rather necrophilic shag the dead things craze that is absolutely ridiculous in every way.

I will now refrain from speaking about Megan Fox to avoid negative attention from those poor people who watched transformers with with something in their trousers and accidentally finished when Shia Leboeuf (sp?) was on screen and now can’t watch Even Stevens without crying but I digress.

An edgy romance story can work from time to time; romance can work with fantasy. As anyone who’s seen Lord of the Rings will vouch for, Aragorn and Arwen’s forbidden attraction didn’t hinder the story but push it forward albeit in small doses. The problem is making the romance the centre of the movie and setting the fantasy to the side because then all you end up with is four weddings and a funeral with a dragon and a few orcs. If this set-up must remain as aforementioned at least have a bit of fun with it; ie.The Corpse Bride; because one of the biggest problems with Twilight is that it takes itself way too seriously. When your story’s plot is laughable, you’re crucifying a literary icon, your actors are nothing short of terrible and cannot change their one expression for the entire duration of the film and the main reason people come to see your creation is because you give previously thrilling monsters a six pack and no shirt, the least you can do is accept that the idea’s rubbish and throw in a few one-liners, maybe get Edward Cullen to die from a pizza hut order because garlic bread is fatal to his kind. Personally I’d like to see the reason for vampires in the Twilight universe sparkling in sunlight being because they’re slowly going nuclear; giving a satisfying ending to the saga of Edward and Bella getting nuked because they tried to go to a picnic.

I can now definitely sense my argument becoming tired; either that or it’s the headache this has brought on so I shall bid this entry adieu and return way too soon for anyone to read this.

Edward Strickson