Reorientation

You may have heard that ‘reparative therapy’ is now being banned in California, you may know it more colloquially as ‘praying the gay away’. You probably know that it’s based in completely unscientific ideals and has been shown to only increase depression in teens that see its existence as society flipping the bird at the orientation they were born with.

As rare as it’s hopefully becoming to think of homosexuality as a ‘lifestyle choice’, I find it quite baffling that this was even considered in the first place. Sure, you can embrace it on varying levels, but any straight person knows that their sexuality wasn’t a choice.

I didn’t wake up one day after dreaming all night about cock, thinking, ‘hmmmm, maybe I’ll try fancying women today’. I’m hetrosexual because that’s how my brain’s been written, and this works the other way around as well.

I suppose you could argue that it’s a ‘lifestyle choice’ whether you act on your desires or not, but it’s incredibly difficult not to. People want sexual partners and we are driven to seek them out. At some point, the primal desire to mate outweighs the stigma of society trying to make you some sort of closeted eunuch.

Hopefully this is another step towards global acceptance of homosexuals, although we may have a problem in the theocracies of Asia and Africa. Perhaps when they see that the rest of the world is shaking their head and saying ‘look how wrong these nations are’, they’ll stop, but then again, the US hasn’t really paid much attention to that in terms of creationism.

Sunday Hangover: A Phallic Solution To A Phallus Problem

Welcome to the Sunday segment where I spout utter crap from my fingers in a vain attempt to try to bring levity, brevity and humour to this blog as well as trying to fulfill the ‘idiocy’ section of the blog’s tagline.

Today I would like to ponder over a topic mentioned on Russell Howard’s Good News but I can’t for the life of me find any sources for this.

It stands to reason I suppose, that something as absurd as trying to cure erectile dysfunction by hanging a weight off of your penis with a sash and then swinging it back and forth would disappear from the internet, or never be mentioned on it at all.

Although I suspect it’ll make it onto a fetish site somewhere in the dark bowels that lie outside of the republic of internet, on the questionable erotica isle.

Really though, how stoned do you have to be to think that would work?

And even after a couple of tainted brownies; what would convince you to sell this to other people?

More importantly… what the hell are people doing actually buying sessions?

I suppose there are weirder things in Chinese medicine, God only knows how many rhinos we would have saved if people lost faith in the ancient art of pretending that the body parts of endangered creatures could get your dick hard.

I would like to propose that we work out a way to sell people the placebos they want without hurting any creature or any penis, whether it be attached to them or not.

Perhaps we could market donating to charity as a medicine? It’s more believable than the real suggestions and it would probably have a much better effect on the person donating, not to mention the society we’re trying to champion.

Save The Owls!

Today is my two year anniversary with my girlfriend and as a little gift I got this message on facebook:

‘Iridology

What is it?
According to iridologists, the eye contains a complete map of every body part. This therapy was invented by a Hungarian physician, Ignatz von Peczely, who, during his childhood, accidentally broke the leg of an owl and noticed a black stripe appear in the lower part of the owl’s eye. He may have developed his theories further during his imprisonment in 1848 at the time of Hungarian revolution and he first practiced on his mother.

Professor Ernst recently published a review of the scientific literature on iridology but he could only find four publications which had been carried out according to correct scientific procedure. These studies suggested that iridology is not a valid diagnostic tool.
He says firmly, “Patients and therapists should be discouraged from using this method

The treatment I care little about; but how on earth would a child manage to accidentally break an owl’s leg??’

Now this is very Mike Adams; some guy notices something odd happen once and extrapolates it to EVERYTHING! What a clever guy.

Iridology is a pile of shit obviously, but there is a lesson to be learned here. For example when a thirsty man in the desert begins to hallucinate, he doesn’t begin to think that water magically will appear to stop him being thirsty and therefore there is no need for taps. Instead he tries to eat sand. He is then still thirsty if not more so.

As for the owl thing, I think that iridology could possibly be a cover for his hatred of owlkind. In the dead of night while everyone else is having their eyes examined to find out if they’ve got cancer, he goes out and murders countless owls with their damned huge irises. How dare they exist!

That is all.