Give The New Gods A Chance

Hello friends and welcome to Thursday, a day dedicated to Thor… the thunder God… not the Marvel character… probably.

It probably mostly exists because Jesusday is a really shit name for a day of the week. Sorry Mr. Christ, but your name just… well, it just doesn’t fit with our language or customs. Good luck with the whole martyrdom thing though, I hope it goes well for you, don’t eat too many fish when you come back from the dead or anything, I know old habits die hard but you should probably try to be a little bit subtle.

On the other hand Budday sounds pretty great, and even Yahwehday sounds awesome.

When are we going to get around to adding these days of the week? If nothing else they’re going to be less depressing than everyone apparently finds Mondays.

Perhaps we could split Mondays in two and just stick them there, and then you can get paid for two days work in one day, and will be allowed an awesome extra nap in between your sleeps. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it siestas!

Perhaps we should clear up the issue of weekends as well, because really, when does the week actually end? Some people think the new week starts on Saturday, some Monday, some people think the weekend starts on Friday, some Saturday.

Perhaps we should have a new day after Sunday just called End-day and it can be a celebration of all things morbid and apocalyptic.

Surely that would be a worthwhile lead-up to Yahwehday, sorry, Monday, I’m getting a bit ahead of myself here.

Destroying The World: Dos & Don’ts

Having just watched Thor in preparation for the avengers, I have to say that I’m very, very impressed.

I’m generally easy to impress when it comes to movies but Thor was much better than I was expecting, especially from a character that really hasn’t peaked my interests before, and as a lover of Marvel comics that should probably tell you something.

What really impresses me is when the characters of villains decline into dark paths for the sake of a personal reason, and thankfully, not many stories these days seem to go with the whole Saturday morning cartoon version of morality, where one man decides to destroy the world and everyone else tries desperately to stop him.

But really, what would this character gain from destroying the world? Surely he would have everything to lose? Usually they seem to have some vague hunch that this ‘destroyed world’ will allow them to rule over it or an equally strange situation where the villain gives themselves much more responsibility than it’s worth to just get people to listen to them; but that doesn’t really doesn’t make much sense either. Are their new people going to listen to him out of fear? Will there be people left to fear?

It seems on occasion that a lot of Saturday morning cartoon villains just haven’t thought their evil plans through very well to be honest.

I seem to remember in the last David Tennant episode of Doctor Who, the Time Lords decided that it would be a great idea to end time itself.

Now, for beings that exist in four dimensions, that’s a pretty bloody stupid idea. What are they going to do when time is over, just sit there in a game of perpetual musical statues?

Perhaps the point of that story was to make the Master look like the sanest figure in a bunch of idiots, but I thought the Time Lords were supposed to be intelligent?

Mothers and The Old Gods

Must the holy Madonna jump on the glory of Asia Minor’s vernal equinox?

I mean, it’s probably good enough that motherish Gods had their days in the limelight around this time but still, we don’t need to make excuses to celebrate the old Gods, in fact they were at least five times as badass as the new Gods.

I mean seriously, show me a situation in which Allah could beat Thor in a fight, there’s something I’d like to see, even Shivah wouldn’t stand a chance against a hammer with lightning coming out of it, something that I’m sure many hindus would protest despite the truth that lies underneath it all.

There’s a reason we don’t name our planets after modern Gods, and that’s because they’re not badass enough, in fact, I would propose we push for a new Bible, Torah, Koran etc. to try and get the Gods to be a little more edgy, think about it, take out genesis, stick sin city in there, we can have watchmen instead of exodus and work our way forward from there. Perhaps we can even replace the New Testament with the saw franchise? I’m sure that would go down well, if Jesus could sell any better, I’m sure the marketing department behind saw’s success would be able to do the job.

Also, how much more compelled would you be to go to church if you were threatened with saws if you didn’t go, play a little game guys, forget the transubstantiation, now if you don’t attend you’ll have to eat your own body and blood, how’s that for renovation?

Seriously though I can knock on just about any holiday for denying its heritage but I won’t do that today, most mothers have to deal with enough crap without me throwing a spanner in the works, so sit back, have some breakfast in bed and hope that Zeus will make a comeback soon, because he just does for Gods what syrup does to pancakes.