Fucking Magnets!

Now I did actually have something significant to say in this little piece of internet drivel but I seem to have forgotten it, however, in my hopes of finding out what this is, typing stretched out sentences about absolutely nothing is actually helping me to discover the answer, and here it is.

So, magnetic health and wellbeing. Despite the obvious bad grammar you may be convinced already that magnets can help you with such things as well being (take note Susan if that is your real name that these are two separate words, as I assume spell check tried to remind you) because everybody knows that magnets are fuckin’ miracles.

Despite the obvious danger that Insane Clown Posse do not know how these things work and thus open the floodgates for the miracle explanation, there has been no evidence supporting an actual health benefit to magnet-based therapies, for a start because the iron in our blood (which is what they claim they are affecting and therefore improving blood flow) is non-ferrous, but even if it was ferromagnetic it would not have a significant enough effect to help regulate blood flow, in the least not give natural pain relief for people and animals, except beyond of course, the obvious placebo. And from there I still do not see how this would improve the efficiency for the home and car, I’m hoping that this ‘ecoflow’ is unrelated to the ‘bioflow’ which is physically impossible, otherwise there’s no real way it could hold any water.

Also she does not help herself by committing the naturalistic fallacy in the first five words of her leaflet.

And through the promotion of organic and natural crystal products we can already see the target audience coming, just be careful when someone you know hasn’t delved into that world comes home with one of these leaflets, whip out the facts for them, although I do have a few nice things to say about this leaflet. Yes, you may sound surprised but I’m not heartless, I’m about setting things straight here, and this is probably a lot fairer than any other similar business I have taken a look at despite the inherent misinformation.

You see this leaflet does state that ‘users claim’ that the many symptoms listed have been ‘eased’ by magnotherapy.

So instead of replacing your treatments this seems to encourage sticking to current medication and informed guidelines, and doesn’t claim to be supported by evidence, only the anecdotal kind which is essentially worthless.

And although it claims to ease diabetes, I don’t see any ‘throw your insulin away’ slogans, and I’m sure people are smart enough to realise that magnets cannot produce for insulin for you, because that would just be silly.

Also there#s a 90 day money pack guarantee on here, and if you’re still coming back after 90 days then that’s your call, if you’re content enough with a placebo effect to want to pay for it then that’s fine as long as it’s not expensive and you’re not encouraged to go off your regular medication, which is a big problem with these types of holistic practises.

As a nice little cherry on top of this cake there’s a disclaimer in small print which claims to be important warning against use by people with pacemakers or other metallic implants, which is quite nice.

I give you my blessing here Susan but wish that you were using therapies that are actually proven by science, however, you are far from Gregg Braden and that makes me smile.

Placebo Industries

I think we collectively should open an alternative medicine chain simply entitled ‘placebo industries’, is that not just perfect?

Obviously there would be no pretence, we’d let people know the shit we were selling didn’t work and then we’d be able to wave our hands around, jab them with needles etc. to our hearts’ content while they attempt to convince themselves that we were just lying with our disclaimer and that we don’t know that we can essentially do magic.

And that my friends is how you run your very own fraudulent business that isn’t fraudulent, simple enough really.

But to be honest, eyeing up our competition I can suddenly see that they’re not even trying to tell people that they’re unproven, in fact, they’re rubbing the false efficacy of their products in peoples’ faces, should these consumers not look up what they’re about to dive arse first into?

Apparently not, they’re walking away with empty wallets and shifted chakras but that infection’s still there and it’s only a matter of time before it catches up again and they’re forced to go to the real doctors who they openly express their disdain for, forgetting that in this country we actually have free medical care, whereas they just paid premium costs for utter bollocks.

So who’s the idiot here? Well we are for calling ourselves placebo industries, surely we would make much more money if we lied to the public from the get go like our competition seem to be doing, is this not the way forward? Well, it doesn’t seem very ethical but the world of business is harsh and if you want to make money you’ve got to stamp on as many balls as possible right? I mean by the time Alan Sugar got to his position the soles of his shoes were positively covered in semen were they not?

So we change our name and our company rises to the top, people write the truth about thus and we shut them up.

What better way to quell the righteous protesters by threatening a lawsuit they can’t afford to pay? It’s their fault for not thinking of this first after all, and the victims of our thoughtless crime surely know what they’re getting themselves into in all fairness do they not?

No.

Down with placebo industry.

Every time your wallet is emptied for the sake of some unproven pile of steaming horseshit, well, a kitten dies.

Nowhere Is Safe

My area is full of weirdos, and no I’m not talking about the ice cream van that just flew past my window on this incredibly overcast day, nor am I talking about the tories and my area’s general opinion on the electoral system reform, no, because I don’t believe I know enough about politics to really justify a good argument on my side, although for the record, fuck the tories.

A lady I met earlier today would not give 25% more of the sales of her donated items to charity because she thought she would be tracked down, when I told her that she would only be contacted if she ticked the box asking if she wanted to be, she hesitated and did the ‘no, it’s okay’ dance that a lot of these people do.

Seriously, you’re not special, you’re just like everyone else, you’re not so important that a charity of all things is going to stalk you and rape you in a back alley, there are lots of people supporting this charity, you’re not so special in the midst of all these supporters that you’re going to be followed. Seriously, I’m not sure if these people are insanely paranoid or just need to get their heads out of their arses.

In other news, I was looking through my local newspaper today, aptly titled: ‘west bridgford local news’. Trying to find something to do while I stared into space for eight hours in what some people would call a job.

I was somewhat surprised by and at the same time I was completely expecting what was a horde of snobbery and alternative medicine drivel. What should I have expected from such a place as mine?

Seriously CAM’s like some sort of mind AIDS, once you start noticing it it just keeps knocking you down until it eventually leads to your death, of course this is not the most accurate of comparisons but you understand I’m sure.

Seriously West Bridgford is ignorance is bliss such a strong philosophy for you that you would wish to hinder the increase in life expectancy by happily promoting practices that are utterly unproven and in the most part, completely contradict each other, just for the novelty of feeling like you’re fighting the pharmaceutical industry. You’re not helping, I’ll tell you that much now. Reading this makes me want to write another verse to that Mike Adams song I wrote yesterday, and by the way, if anyone has a drum machine, can I borrow it so I can play that one live? Thank you.

Anyway as I was saying this newspaper, in between telling people to ‘think sceptically’ in regards to scams and bogus deals, without any hint of evidence or irony tells everyone to go out and use: Chiropractic (Rushcliffe wellness trainer writes book), homeopathy (spring mum’s seek help from homeopathy), holistic treatment for pregnant women (mother nurture antenatal classes provide the solution for busy parents to be), hypnotherapy (get help with your dieting) and acupuncture (help your health, fitness and well being), to be honest this makes me feel like being sick.

The premise of these articles is a small anecdote of someone using the treatment (besides the latter which is merely an advertisement), not even including the results, and the incredibly basic premise behind the treatments, most of which they don’t even bother explaining to a degree which would make the nature of the practice clear.

But what amazes me is that no-one seems to question this, they just absorb the information and accept everything they here without thinking for even one second that something in that sushi smells a little fishy.

So, make me proud West Bridgford, say no to bollocks and say yes to sense… please, for the sake of my sanity…

Think for yourself and kittens to you my friends.

A Lesson In The Placebo Effect

“…prescribing placebos… usually relies on some degree of patient deception” and “prescribing pure placebos is bad medicine. Their effect is unreliable and unpredictable and cannot form the sole basis of any treatment on the NHS.”

Yes, it’s time for a lesson in the placebo effect, an umbrella term encompassing various effects that cause patients to reinterpret their illness or symptoms.

This generic term is usually viewed under the guise of a Pavlov’s dogs level conditioning process, wherein instead of dogs salivating at the ringing of a bell associated with food, patients are conditioned by a doctor’s positive attitude and the knowledge that pills are given to improve health when we’re ill, causing a psychological belief that we are indeed feeling better.

There is also a short burst of endorphins associated with this kind of conditioning, these painkillers will cause euphoria and also do what they say on the tin, but only for a very short while. Large pills and coloured pills also potentially work better than small or white pills.

The placebo effect is present in all treatments in some form, and its effects of stress and anxiety relief when working medicine is taken may actually help the fight against illness, however, since this effect is already present when medication is taken, nothing needs to be added to create this aid.

The positive sides of placebo are all well and good, but the same mechanisms that cause the upsides can create the opposite effects, such as with the Nocebo effect.

This occurs when a patient believes they will get negative side effects from an ineffective treatment, leading them to perceive negative effects, however, the implications of this in real life are rare, as bogus therapies generally would not actively seek to give the bad sides of their treatments as with conventional medicine.

The positive outlook of this effect however, does not lessen the spread of disease, and the belief that there is something working to stop an illness may prevent the patient’s ability to recognise symptoms, leading to late diagnoses and a possible increase in the overall harm an illness can cause.

Lesson over.