I hope this is a joke.
I received a comment on my Succubus piece that I did a while ago recently, one that linked to a rather interesting website, namely http://www.summonsuccubus.com
I really hope that this website is a parody.
The person’s comment suggested that summoning a life-energy-sucking demon was much better than having a girlfriend, I hope that was sarcasm, but you can never be too sure, especially as this website is offering lessons on how to summon these most rapey of creatures.
Apparently they can stop you from feeling lonely and make you more connected to your inner love. Does that not go against everything that was ever written about succubi and incubi? Wasn’t the point of these creatures that they should be avoided because they’re dangerous and will rip the immortal soul from your fleshy body to feed on it with their sexy demon wings?
Apparently this guy’s been doing it for ten years, so his balls must really be starting to hurt right now, I mean seriously, getting raped and ‘spiritually drained’ for a decade, would that not take it all out of you?
This sales pitch makes no sense, and maybe that’s why I’m praying it’s a parody, because surely no-one is this ignorant of their own ‘speciality’.
You can’t just make up the rules of the universe as you go along, if you’re going to call these creatures succubi then stick to the lore that people who have previously claimed that they existed already set down for you, or you just come across as an idiot, an idiot with a sore dick.
Perhaps the most telling thing about this for me is that the title of his book is spelt wrong, and I know that probably doesn’t mean much to a lot of people but that just makes me smile inside.
‘a practicle guide to summoning’ Awwwwwwwwww, isn’t it cute.
No, it’s called spellcheck, if you’ve written a book you really should have noticed its presence by now.
He also attempts to undermine Christian beliefs, claiming that his are much more true and right, when both have the same lack of proof and inherent mysticism. If I were in his business, I’d embrace the Christian side of things, you get more people on your side and sell more of your odd lessons in which I suppose he teaches you how to hallucinate when you masturbate… or something…