The Scale Of Modesty

So how modest should personal ads be?

I mean the whole point of having them out there is to get attention for whatever it is you’re doing so you’re not exactly going to go with the self-deprecating approach.

‘Aging Single Male Seeks Out of His League Woman For Hopefully Sex and Not Being Alone When Death’s Cold Hand Comes’ doesn’t exactly sound very sexy does it?

Especially not if it’s followed up by: ‘little hair, tiny penis and never showers’.

But somebody like that would have to lie about something, no matter how much lying is wrong, for example, he could change it up like so:

‘Mature All-Man Bachelor Seeks Attractive Female For Companionship and Intimacy.’

See, it sounds very slightly less rapey.

I was going to put seeks similar in seeks attractive’s stead however, that would suggest that he’s looking for a female that’s all man and assuming this guy doesn’t swing that way he’d probably be best to avoid heading in that direction.

You could even follow it up with:

‘Modestly Built, Appreciates Inner Beauty, Reminds Some of Sean Connery and A Medieval Prince.’

Now who wouldn’t want to date that?

Yes I know but that’s not the point now is it? The point is that he sounds slightly better because he’s not being modest about these derogatory aspects of his appearance and lifestyle.

Now when I’m going to try and find a band to play with, I don’t know what to say.

Should I lie and say that I’m an amazing guitarist, using my two year run as a frontman as an excuse to boost my credibility? Or should I do what I already set myself two which was somewhere along the lines of:

‘Reasonably Competent Guitarist With Frontman Experience.’

I think that’s about right but I always feel like I’m not being truthful enough, I mean to be truly modest I’d have to go with:

‘Guitarist That’s Poor At Best With A Voice Like A Strangled Cat.’

And the sad thing is that those words would probably be accurate.


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