Half-Denials

Hey kids, today I’m here to talk to you all about denial, and no I don’t mean the river har har.

We can never admit to ourselves that we are out of our depth on certain issues, all on varying levels of the social scale but all incredibly close to the heart and I suppose that’s what drives that faith in ourselves that we know we really shouldn’t hold, but if there are people out there reminding you of the reason why you’re wrong, that you are worth less than you hoped, that you will never be that person you thought you were, that people previously told you that you were…

well, then those bursts of highs you get from coming up with a plan to boost that aspect of yourself can swing back and bite you firmly in the ass. There is no cure for this whip of disappointment and I suppose it will never go away until that certain achievement is met, but the worst thing about this is the hope that underlies this, the hope that you will prove them wrong, the hope that leads to this flagellation, if that’s the right word, which it probably isn’t.

But the weird thing is about this is that it’s not a true form of denial, because you know what you should be thinking, and occasionally what you should be thinking is all that’s on your mind, I suppose it’s more of a plea to yourself to strive for what you need or what you once had, and there’s nowhere that implies that’s a bad thing, only that the road forward will be a much more difficult one than you envisioned when you last were close, so close to having that thing that you lost.

Could you find it again? Maybe, but that’s an even harder task, starting from scratch and working your way up to your perceived top, could it be that ultimately these dreams are utterly hopeless and devoid of any chance of fulfilment?

I hope not, I really hope not.

Give yourself a break from time to time, get out of your own mind and go and listen to the thoughts from someone else’s head because you won’t get comfort in your own brain which is often self-deprecating by default, and will go at length to punish yourself for believing for one second that you had what it takes.

Sometimes however, you are right, you were in denial of your doubts at times sure, but sometimes the hope pays off, we can only wish that it would be the case for each of us, I suppose we can only wait and see where chance and probability takes us, along of course, with perseverance and dedication, we need to outweigh those anchors around our feet, we need to snap their ropes and forget that they were dragging us down, but then again, as with all of these solutions and easy ways to persevere, they are by nature easier said than done.

After all, it is ourselves who are in control of our own destinies, you make your own luck, or to heavily paraphrase Albert Einstein: ‘God does not play dice’.

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