Solving Another Crisis!

My laptop’s about to run out of battery, the mighty computer hindered by its pathetic lifespan, it speaks wonders does it not? Even our most powerful machines cannot keep themselves alive without being hooked up to their equivalent of a life support machine, I suppose that’s just as well, we wouldn’t want the computers eating our food would we? There’s a scene they left out of the Matrix trilogy, assuming that Agent Smith didn’t get a burger king at some point and if memory serves I don’t believe that he did.

But some things not even Keanu Reeves can solve and I’m sure had Mr. Smith decided to start wolfing down those whoppers, well, Mr. Anderson might not have been so lucky, if you can call being blinded lucky but at least I suppose without eyesight he wouldn’t have had to watch those events unfold in that extremely forgettable final Matrix movie.

There will always be a moment before the computer goes blip however, there’s no way anyone’s ever going to break the first and second laws of thermodynamics and end up with a perpetual motion, unless of course all of physics is wrong and if you’re a homeopath or something similar then I suppose you already believe that much so it’s not much more of a stretch.

Although what I always thought would be quite a nifty idea was the idea of an exercise bike hooked up to your power source by way of a dynamo, therefore to go on the computer you would have to exercise, thus solving the obesity crisis and the need for alternative energy sources. Now why haven’t these pesky scientists got around to doing this yet? Well, probably because I would be the only person who would buy such a contraption, although if it were made illegal to use any other kind of power source, we would have a county full of fit and slender individuals, if not a little totalitarian. Would it be worth it? Well I’d use it, in fact it would save on gym costs and the electricity bill, what’s not to love? I fail to see a flaw in this plan if the market is just me, I’ll take five! I’ll take ten!

Alas, I am not a target audience by myself, and therefore I probably won’t be getting one of these rather ingenious contraptions any time soon, God damn you economics and marketing!


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