The Perfect Crime…

As an alternative to persuading people to respect your rights as a human and the limits put on their rights to encourage people to give them wads of cash in exchange for misinformation and an easy way to ensure said peoples’ death before they can work out what the scam exactly was and sue accordingly, you may want to consider a rather humiliating form of murder.

First, you will need a really powerful rocket.

And you will also need to be incredibly persuasive.

If you want to convince said irritant to get on the rocket, I recommend promises of cake and/or boobies, that’s usually what draws these people in, or, if it’s Mike Adams, organic food and unvaccinated children.

Once you have your victim in the powerful rocket you’ll want to make sure nobody is watching and at the same time, that this rocket is powerful enough to propel your victim into deep space at the exact point you’re aiming.

I would recommend for this hiring experienced astrophysicists, engineers, and a lawyer with a taste for a good super-injunction.

Well I never said it would be cheap would I?

Get a super-injunction and David Cameron will place a giant screen with a picture of his big shiny face to hide the face that you paid lots of money to hide your secret and fund his next holiday in Malawi with the money he should have been spending on care services and on healing the divide between the rich and the poor.

Now, your ship should be good enough to keep your victim alive until they reach their destination, this will require you breaking the laws of physics so make sure your disbelief suspension is as well-oiled as you can get without damaging the reverse probability drive.

Once you’ve reversed the polarity of the neutron flow you can rest assured that your target will be plunged straight into a black hole, at this point, you will need to have installed that gravity-sensitive ejector seat you’ve been designing in your mother’s basement since you were six years old.

You’ve got to start early if you want this to work.

Once your target is out of the ship, heading towards the black hole and not dying from the lack of air pressure and oxygen you are ready for the humiliating spaghettification to begin.

Hit it Mr. Tyson.


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