Devilishly Incompetent!

So when you make a deal with the devil and he takes your soul what’s that supposed to entail?

Do you have a completely normal life and then spend the next eternity after it burning alive and being buggered by a load of scaled demons? Because if so, then surely no-one would ever make a deal with the horny one.

I’m talking about Satan here, not Charlie Sheen, in case you were wondering.

I know this is entirely hypothetical but I really think that if you were the physical incarnation of all the evil in the world you would come up with a more convincing argument for things to go your way than that.

I mean really, it can’t be that easy to be an evil deity if your manipulative skills are equal to you scratch my back I’ll scratch your face off.

Do you know why that’s not a saying?

Because that concept doesn’t work.

Sorry to break it to you this way oh lord Beelzebub.

Interestingly enough Beelzebub literally translates into english as lord of the flies, and considering something I’ve been writing for six months I find that pretty ironic, and also knowing that I’m the only one that’s going to understand this paragraph a little deflating.

But look, if you were really the source of the evil in the world you’d have a much better sales pitch.

I mean there’s a lot of very suave evil out there, a lot of con men make their way in life through impeccable charm, or at least they do on TV and that must mean something right?

So yes, I would assume that on this point alone these kind of stories are very silly, even without the invoking of the horny one, and the devil too, Charlie Sheen’s just for show in this circumstance.

If I was the devil I’d probably promise them a reserve seat in heaven in return for doing something dastardly, but as much as I would love you all to imagine a wacky racer lose his innocence this whole thing’s about getting more people to hell.

And the answer to that is simple, there is no problem.

There are many dicks in this world and even those of us who know we’re nice people in general have done some pretty heartless things in our time as a product of wanting things to go our own way etc.

In fact, maybe the devil invented the porn industry, because as we all know masturbation is a sin, and anything making the most of that slip of the tongue, I mean hand, is a great way to get more people down the highway to hell as opposed to the stairway to heaven.

Sorry about that AC/DC.

Now for a picture with a lighter tone.

Too much?


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