Love & Monkeys! (Well, Technically Apes)

There is no quick and easy way to do anything.

Except die, and even then there are a few complications with those you’ve left behind.

Or I suppose to urinate but that’s not really the kind of goal people set out for themselves, usually its something much further along the scale towards the grandiose and away from the uh… pee wee.

My God, even for me that one was terrible.

But things like losing weight, getting yourself out of that depressing hole you’ve been digging for years, finding love, especially the first, they don’t come quickly.

They work on how hard you work to fix them, yes even love.

In fact I’ve seen a fair few people who work finding a mate on a trial and error basis, asking out everyone they can until one person doesn’t turn them down, strange but true, in that way I suppose, humans haven’t gotten that much further into sophistication than our evolutionary cousins the bonobos.

And if anyone doesn’t know what bonobos are, well, you should first of all.

But second they are primates, under the Pan genus that they share snugly with chimpanzees.

And they solve pretty much everything with sex.

I tell you if they knew both the lonely island and akon they’d be singing all day.

Their schedule is a lot like this.

Wake up, someone next to me, shag them.

Larry’s back from gathering berries, shag him.

I quite like the look of that female, shag her.

That girl has a stick that I want, shag her.

She didn’t like that I took the stick, make up sex.

Her boyfriend’s back and is very angry with me, shag him.

You get the idea, it’s a very tiring life in all, aren’t you glad you’re human instead?

I could make a planet of the apes reference here, but it might surprise you to know that I’ve never seen that movie despite it having been on television every day for the nineteen and a half years I have been fortunate enough to be classed as living for.

Well that was one hell of a tangent.


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