I’m not sure whether it’s a good thing or not but I seem to find great comfort in the constants in my life. A good change doesn’t seem to make me anywhere near as happy as knowing that some of the best things in my life are still going strong (although I’m sure getting somewhere with my writing would throw that notion out of the window in an instant, what’s the matter? Never met someone fickle before?) and as such it’s these things that seem to be nagging on my mind a lot. I am after all, by the power of being basically neurotic, a worrier.
Probably because I know how good I am at screwing things up, but this is a good thing, it gives me a drive to keep everything in balance and I believe I do that pretty well, hell, I haven’t screwed up big time for a long time and I’m happy enough when I’ve got company or when I’m in the middle of writing a story (for those of you who’ve never tried it’s a brilliant world to get lost in, the idea in your head becoming reality is nothing short of ecstasy, but maybe that’s why I write at least once a day, there is a thrill there always waiting to be tapped) and by virtue of that you’d think I’d end this sentence earlier so that it’s grammatically coherent and not a mouthful but no I’m going to leave the punctuation out for a few more words just to fuck with you.
I do believe that people who are like me, generally more anxious than most often turn to some kind of spiritual constant, something they can feel constantly close to without the risk of your relationship screwing up. And I suppose that’s a good reason why for a while I did consider myself quite a strong Christian for a time despite never really agreeing with most of the tenants, it was a comfort to this particular condition of my personality and moreover to my fear of death but that’s a subject that’s been trodden on far too often.
I do not believe this has to be associated with religion however, and I always feel the need to let all of you know that I have nothing against religion as a personal choice etc.
Don’t assume I’m a bigot, I love my family and my Christian friends and would hate to impose a belief upon them, also that’s not what this blog is about.
However, I do like to talk about issues of strangeness and superstition because they really do intrigue me, especially after knowing personally how easy it is to fall into the comfort of thinking that you know something the rest of the world doesn’t (you see a few of those on the internet and the comments section of this blog in particular, the conspiracy theory side of things although I was never that convinced off those).
It’s difficult sometimes for people to accept the fact that their personalities are flawed, as all of us are, but it is my belief that you’re all the better for knowing yourself from yourself, not looking for outside sources to try and help you to understand who you are, unless of course they’re an expert, then they’ll probably know better than you.
Argument from authority alert.