Not long now until I’m incredibly busy, and yet it feels as if I’m busy all the time.
I suppose that’s because I keep myself busy, I do have certain tasks that I set myself as well as writing for alter the press and other things that aren’t created from my own mind.
This fact of setting myself work every day does confuse me a lot, especially considering how little work I was doing a couple of years ago when I really should have been working hard, perhaps I’m trying to make up for it now, but I think it’s partially to do with the fact of how much I love writing.
Adding to that, I’m doing pretty well with it, arguably better than I was doing with music when I was in Arcanite Reaper, although I did get paid for that, even if it was only eight pounds after two years, although that fault wasn’t mine.
It is part of however, this urge many of us have to make a difference in the world, the belief that if we reach out to a certain number of people, if a large proportion of the population knows who we are, that we have somehow fulfilled a large part of what it means to be alive.
I’m not about to pretend this isn’t a sign of the times, it certainly seems to be a by-product of capitalism and the glorification of celebrities but it’s always been something on my mind, even before I was aware of those two aspects. Everyone wants to be the king and within our society you can become a household name if you try hard enough and have enough talent.
And as such I spend a fair amount of my life worrying about whether I have enough talent for the things I want to do.
And when you work out which aspects of your creative life get the most positive reactions I suppose that path of your life begins to seem much wider and more inviting.
As I grow older I see there are more and more choices that become acceptable for this, there’s not for example, as I was referring to yesterday, either I’m a musician or it’s the end of the world.
Is this growing up?
I doubt it, it’s more like getting over myself.
Displacing that ego I didn’t know I had into a more reasonable entity.