Build-a-Conspiracy!

So in regards to the chemtrail piece from yesterday I am wondering a little about what could possibly not be made into a conspiracy theory.

I haven’t heard anything about that dry cleaner conspiracy I thought up last year and to be honest that’s a lot saner than the whole chemtrail thing.

Think about it, who has a vested interest in getting your clothes dirty? Dry cleaners of course, so they’re the ones egging people from cars full of rowdy teenagers.

This satire of conspiracy theories is if anything too sensible, it contains the obvious flaws as all conspiracy theories should but it’s not nutty enough to really be a true parody of something like this.

For that, I’m going to have to fish out my eight year old brain and pick out something ridiculous I thought of on a whim growing up, in a world where everything’s possible and you haven’t realised that the probability of you eating even a single chunk of the himalayas renders your eating of the entire mountain range impossible for a creature with an average life expectancy of less than billions of years.

What would you do if you had to create a conspiracy theory?

I’m certain it can’t be as lame as mine but just in case it is, remember that this is entirely in jest.

Also to anyone here to defend their claims, have a go to, it’ll be fun.

To make anything half as nutty as what people are actually claiming remember you’re going to need to start with a ridiculous leap of logic as a major premise and work your way backwards to your reasoning, which of course, must be riddled with logical fallacies to gain extra credit.

Something akin to…

Fire is a government conspiracy, it was actually invented by Bob Dylan and was so dangerous and significant that the government brainwashed him and the rest of the world, causing him to go through his born again Christian phase.

At the same time they manipulated all known records such as the great fire of london etc. to make it seem as if it had been discovered by cavemen.

what Mr. Dylan had actually stumbled on however, was like a rolling stone, in that it was created by the government to gain total control over its citizens.

That’s right people, the rolling stones are in on this as well.

Ever wonder why Mick Jagger and Keith Richards look so ill?

They’re riddled with guilt!

Ever wonder why their career has lasted so long?

It was vital to maintain the conspiracy!

Ever wonder why even to this day artists like Ke$ha and Maroon 5 still sing about Mick Jagger?

Because they’re in on the conspiracy too!

I think you get the idea…

That one holds as much ground as chemtrails, unfortunately for its supporters.

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