False Asspirations (that was bad even for me)

Today I saw something gracing the high definition waveband of television that made me admit something a little too pessimistic to be serious. I am ashamed of my species.

This, as with most things that make me want to bury my head in the sand until nuclear fallout saves us all from having to deal with things like Cher Lloyd, homeopathy and the BNP, was an advertisement, which by the way, has an accent on the ’tise’, because any other way round sounds pretentious and silly.

Anyway, where was I?

Ah yes, this harmless little commercial went a little something like this:

‘Do you look at your arse in the mirror? If so how do you do it? Anyway, do you look at your arse every day and cry because it doesn’t look exactly like Pippa Middleton’s arse did in a dress that was tailored to show off her arse at an event that cost the taxpayer ridiculous amounts of money and gave absolutely nothing of value back?’

By this point you should probably get the gist.

‘Well, you’re in luck *cue snapped pictures of Pippa Middleton looking distressed while paparazzi aim their cameras at her royal-ish badonkadonk* because Pippa Middleton’s personal trainer is releasing a DVD where she exercises in front of you for hours on end! Never mind that the genetic basis for your figure cannot be changed by this, just by this DVD and get results you could get by just jogging instead and avoiding buying this altogether!’

There really isn’t much substance here folks, just a lot of footage of a personal trainer doing some aerobic exercises and looking melancholy while stills, no doubtedly robbed from the murkiest pages of the daily mail, are flashed around the advert like some sort of undeniable evidence at a murder trial.

I don’t approve is all.


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