Good News/Bad News: Both Sexes to Live Long and Prosper… also One Direction suck

Welcome to this week’s… sorry, I mean last week’s good news/bad news, where I find news stories that both make me grin like a blissful idiot and make me want to shove my face into a wood chipper until my scowl emerges from the other end, bloody, covered in wood chippings and flung into a million little, fleshy pieces.

First, we’ve got some good news, news which may mean that equality is coming in a completely different way than we usually think of it when we talk like that. Unfortunately this doesn’t mean that women are going to be paid the same as men, it doesn’t mean that gays can now marry anywhere and everywhere and it doesn’t mean that there aren’t still policemen out to capture young, black people.

No, as much as all of those things would be nice we’ve got a different flavour of good news and that is that by 2030, thanks to advantages in medicine and healthcare, men may statistically come to live as long as women.

Yeah, that’s right ladies, now we are one step closer to gaining immortality!

Take a long look people of the republic of internet, because this could be awesome.

One of the proposed reasons for where the graph of life expectancy is heading is a drop in the number of male smokers, something which for some of us may be apparent from the people we know, young and old, and for some a source of confusion, as smoking is still the official activity of the young and tenacious.

The bad news here is incredibly different, and while I apologise wholeheartedly for the disparity, the utter unrelatedness, the nonconnecteditude of these two items…

I really hate One Direction, and apparently I should be a little cynical about some of their fans too.

Take a look here and see what I mean.

So as much as I despise gossip stories, I’m reporting this for the sheer extremity of 1D fans’ reactions to some lady on twitter, who just happened to be lip buddies with the ugliest member of the band.

I suppose if nothing else comes of this, at least after the things she’s been called she might no longer know what makes her beautiful anymore, and as we all know, that is the key to attractiveness in the eyes of the musical monstrosity that is One Direction.

Anyway, for some reason, even though the guy’s still under concerns about possibly having a sexually transmitted disease, fans called the woman a ‘fucking bitch’ and a ‘prostitute’.

Perhaps they should calm down and realise that if they threw a brick at their boyfriends’ faces; they’d probably look like Harry from One Direction as well.


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