A Stiff Drink

Good afternoon republic of internet!

How are you doing this fine day and can I get you a stiff drink?

Come to think of it, why do we call certain spirits stiff drinks?

They’re not exactly rigid, in fact, as most liquids are they’re pretty loose.

If anything, all drinks are surely flaccid drinks?

Surely to have a stiff drink you would have to say… suck the juice out of a cucumber, or a number of other scenarios that come to mind when you think of those words, but certainly not what you’re thinking. Filthy, filthy minds you have.

I suppose some people find it a more pleasing thing to say than to actually name their beverage but I find that they’re just lazy.

How am I supposed to know what you’re drinking if you don’t know it yourself?

Now shut up and get me a flaccid drink.

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