Big Plans For England

Alright, the sun’s still out and that means that we’re probably facing the onset of some sort of apocalyptic global forest fire. Prepare yourselves trees, the end is nigh!

I know that an Englishman talking about the weather is ridiculously stereotypical but my hair has buffed up into a mane and lions don’t often comment on meteorology. So there’s my excuse for adding to the stereotype.

Seriously, I’m like Simba over here.

Perhaps if this heat does continue we could find a nice place for lions in England.

We could compete with the foxes and the… badgers.

We could bring back the wolves we slaughtered hundreds of years ago and throw in some bears for good measure.

It would certainly make walks in the park a bit more exhilarating.

Because if there’s anything England needs more of it’s beasts that can swipe your entire face off with a single pimp slap.

I would challenge you though, to find a more suitable place for animals that can rip peoples’ heads off. We have a lot of people over here that could use a sense of perspective and I think dangerous predators are just the right kind of push to make them open their eyes.

Perhaps we could stick them on a greyhound racing track and make a pack of hungry lionesses chase them. Maybe then they’ll stop complaining about how wind farms are ruining the view out of their upstairs windows.

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