Miss Independent

Happy fourth of July!

I’ll admit I know next to nothing about independence day but I know that there are fireworks involved. I suspect this is some sort of organised Britain hatred thing but that’s okay, we’re not that proud of ourselves either.

So America, congratulations on being your own country and reaping all the benefits of independence and all that other stuff. I’m sure there are certain things about Britain compared to America that might make you wish you were still under redcoat control but you know, Obamacare’s pretty great.

To be honest I don’t understand why a load of you don’t want it, but that’s just me, feel free to call me a socialist of what have you but I really don’t understand the opposition. Perhaps I’m just ignorant, perhaps I’m a secret communist, perhaps the loud minority of Americans is making the rest of them unheard.

Whatever the case congratulations. Even though I’ve never worn a coat that was red in colour I apologise on behalf of my country and the shit we gave you for trying to break free from our tea-flavoured rule.

Go light some fireworks or whatever it is you people do, I’d rather stay away from explosives and wonder why your stereotype for us involves such terribly looked after teeth. I’ll have you know are dentists are perfectly adequate and our teeth are (usually) well brushed.

To be fair the American stereotypes aren’t much better but I think you understand why they’re there, I’m genuinely perplexed about that one.

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