Welcome back, citizen.
Don’t worry, I won’t be doing all of this as if we live in a dystopian world, but I do like the judge dredd kind of feel those first three words give me.
Or do worry, because that’s the whole point of such an atmosphere, although from my experience I’m nowhere near skilled enough to write a meaningful parable without throwing the themes in the readers’ faces, although my first novel had none of that in it and nobody bought it, perhaps that’s a lesson that I should take into my new one (which is packed to the brim with moments where I try way too hard to write like that). I can tell that I’m making everyone very excited about this project by constantly talking it down, but really, I’m genuinely excited about it.
In fact, I have no idea whether you’re all legal citizens of anywhere, for all I know I could have an audience entirely made of illegal immigrants, and to be honest, I’d welcome that, although if you could help out with taxes and shit, that would be nice. You can stay in my house and make anonymous donations for it, I won’t judge you, I’m naive enough to think that borders between countries are silly anyway.
And then when we’ve had our fun you can make up for the fact that you paid no rent for me in all that time you stayed in my spare room by selling copies of my new book and bribing literary agents until they agree to represent it. Then we move on to the publishers, and I think by then you’ll know what to do.