I find that the world is a strange place. Not necessarily that it doesn’t make sense, but just that I seem to skirt along the edges of fitting in it a lot. I’m more often than not a socially awkward penguin; not just because I get awkward very easily, but also because I waddle.

Seriously, I do that.

A lot of conventions that seem very normal at first glance seem to break down to a nonsensical splurge when looked at very closely. I often wonder how the first cakes, for example, were made; I try to picture a caveman stealing a chicken egg from a nest, cracking it open, throwing it into some ground up plants and then setting it on fire. Who in their right mind would do that? Perhaps the originally pioneers of gastronomy were all on drugs? Perhaps it built up slowly, like evolution. I’d bet good money on the latter but the former puts a funnier picture in my head.

Alcohol as well, is a strange one. The idea of drinking a watered-down extract of rotten plants might seem odd at first, but after we humans realise it’s poisoning us we’ll mass-produce it, brand it, make it into different flavors and even stick in in chocolate, because why the fuck not?

Actually, I can think of a lot of reasons why you wouldn’t want alcohol in chocolate; the first and foremost being that it tastes horrible, which, when chocolate is eaten purely for its value in taste…

Just don’t put alcohol in chocolate. It belongs in other things, like jelly and my mouth.


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