So, halloween’s coming up and seeing as that’s a much less depressing topic than the mahoosive hurricane that’s been ravaging the United States, I’ll talk about that instead. Although I will say, for people affected, come to England and I will make you all a cup of tea.
For anyone looking for a costume this year, may I suggest some awesome ideas that your neighbors and your friends won’t have already thought of. I guarantee you’ll look totally original and not at all like an idiot.
1. The Wall – whether from Pink Floyd of Game of Thrones fame, get a bed sheet and hold two poles to either side of you to hold it up, you’ll look just like you’re favorite wall, and if you don’t have a favorite wall, you can just make one up.
2. Product Placement – want to make some money on Halloween? Call up your favorite brands and and get paid to dress up as the newest cereal box, or flavor coke, perhaps even a CD, in which case, get in a box and stick your head out of the middle of it, but remember to make it look like you’ve just seen something incredibly moving.
3. A Towel – Sew all your towels together and wear them as a costume; if your Halloween party has a science-fiction theme, no one will forget to bring you to it, and if not, put on a squeaky voice and guarantee yourself a spliff.
4. The Internet – This might sound vague, but all you really need to do is strap some boobs to your chest, hold up a kitten and wear a rage face mask. It might also help if you’re constantly updating your Facebook page rather than actually talking to the rest of the guests at whatever celebration you happen to be ruining.