Singles Day

So how was your Valentine’s day? I won’t go into the mythos of this holiday because I’ve already done at least two posts of that and milked from it all of the mumbling grumblings that I can, but I will say that we should at least have a singles day as well. I remember how depressing Valentine’s day can be, especially when you’re on a proverbial leash, and I don’t think single people get enough excuses to get drunk and have ice cream, because really, what makes people happier than losing inhibitions and shoving their faces full of frozen lactations?

It should take place the day after Valentine’s day, just in time to catch the people who had a depressing date or something worse, so that they have another day to celebrate that doesn’t chastise them for not having found a suitable mate in time.

Perhaps if we’re going to insist on people forming couples on a certain day of the year we should just go whole hog and migrate to mating grounds like other animals do. All the people of a fertile age can walk on down to Magaluf in a journey that will take them a couple of months and require them swimming over a little bit of sea with minimal food and water. Once they’re there, then the passion can commence, then, the males can wait there until spring to guard their eggs until they hatch.

 

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